Bullying, Qualms and (Bi)curiosity.

Dear all,

Today I smelt disease in the air. I was told by Steffu i need to visit the vet. At first i was scared, but now I'm calm about it as i realised what it is all about. I came to a conclusion after studying Winston and his movements. Winston has that human disease called "ADHD", "AHDH" or maybe it is called "AIDS". I'm not quite sure what it is called, but i know Mr Vet will cure him and then it will put me at ease because i will no longer fear for my life around young whipersnapper Winston.

I also feel old once again. This is a feeling I constantly battle with. I feel ruminations throughout my body and usually just want to be left alone. My scratching pole and basket is an area of my room full of quintessence. However, over the past couple of weeks, and even when Squizzles was here, i became a target for bullying. I am bullied, unnecessarily and always by the younger. My problem is i am calm, and i only react if i am angry or threatened. I am also bi-curious at certain times of the day, but more often week.

Jeremy Kyle offers me much inspiration. I watch this spectacle and i feel like i am at the theatre. The grandiosity at times makes me feel like i am listening to Tchiakovsky's 1812 overture. Kyle's symphonic, to the point and his voice harks back to my own. I feel like him, i feel the power he embodies when i embrace Winston or think past battles with Captain Squizzles.

I also started work on a new poem, i often hear Steffu singing to me, whilst mummy listens. I don't know how she interprets his singing, but it makes me feel important and the centre of attention. He has a very British voice, it is not Scottish, it is more lazy and it is definitely foreign. I will detail the works of my poem below. I think this blog will end on a bang, not a whimper:-

"I don't believe in spaceships, I don't believe in stars

 I don't believe in planets, I don't believe in Mars...

But what i do believe in, I believe is true,

What i do believe in, I believe in you..."

To Mummy XxX

Beauty and many beasts.

"Dogs are fashion accessories, they sit and pose. Cats are meaningful, they sit and think"

My Grandpa expressed this dignified remark to my mother and henceforth, she passed it down to me. I believe it. I live by it. I told ginger Winston about this but he cannot keep concentration. I feel sorry for him, but i must ram this message home. I think at times i have become too serious, but i see being serious as a strength and a charm. Mummy and Steffu laugh at me due to this, they think I'm "stupid" or have a "bubble-wrap brain" but i know better and one day the shoe will be on the other foot.

Today i'd like to discuss beauty. I am beautiful. I know this, most people see this immediately. I need to be looked after and i need my silky fur brushed. If my coat is kept in an impeccable condition i am, and will continue to be radiant. I enjoy cleaning myself. I believe if my paws were maybe half an inch bigger i could caress my head properly and in turn maybe look like I "gel" my head-hair. That would be ravishing.

I saw two cars today. Mummy showed me this window in my pooing room, she let me see outside. The air smelt refreshing, yet impartially stale. Silly Winston would not dare to tread in to the room whilst the window was ajar. I was willing though as Mummy held my hand and encouraged me forth.

Steffu gave me "tender duck" this morning by the way, i did not get this the other night but i forgive him. He also gave me some kitten milk, so i believe in human rhetoric this is called "guilt". I believe he felt guilty for not treating me. He also mentioned to me, whilst carrying me as he does quite often, that he bought me (not Winston) 6 cartons of kitten milk! and some more meaty pouches. Meat makes me happy, and it makes Winston happy as we are both indoor cats and we cannot hunt as we are both civil.

Charles Darwin has become a new interest of mine in the last twenty-four hours. His "Origin of Species" appeals to me, and I think I am rather partial to believe in it. I look at Mummy and i see a resemblance (Fig. 2) Our "fur" is the same, i know i have a feline mother, but my new adopted human mother does look similar to me. I am starting to think that she is somewhat related to my breed of feline- Maine Coon- or indeed my blood mother as we have similar features, as emphasised our fur looks the same and even our smiles to an extent.


Fig.2

 Tomorrow i would like to discuss my mother a little more, but i will also be teaching you all about my Grandpa. I know i have touched upon him in previous blogs, but he is an important grand cat and his words will be a benefit upon all of your lives.

Here is also a picture of Winston, he said "00000000000000000000000000" in my previous post. I love him i decided, but he is a little dim. I am now going to ask Winston to go and fix me a Pina colada, and waft me with some cardboard so i can visualise warm seas, beaches, palm trees and bikinis.

A ribbon. A best a cat can get.

Dear followers,

Today was rather a mundane day, but things sort of brightened up as the early afternoon approached. My Mummy  came back, not my feline mother, but my human one. However, she came back with a red, triangular shaped box. This took me back to the days of December 25th as indeed it was a gift, and yuletide beckoned once again in my mind.

This red box smelt so sweet. But what was so important about this, was not the display of affection between my two guardians, but the fact the box had a smooth ribbon attached to it. This ribbon itself smelt floral, and its touch on my fur sent shivers down my back. I love my new ribbon. I think mummy bought that gift whilst thinking about me, not Steffu.

My English friend Steffu ate the chocolates in around 32 minutes. I was surprised how he gobbled them down, especially as he felt ill. Nonetheless, lets not get bogged down in time related issues, the main topic was what happened after the chocolate. Mummy decided to play some strange prank on me- without giving me my ribbon.

I heard noises, horrid noises. They appeared to be sounds from fellow foreign cats, and at one point it all became unbearable. Her machine, typing-box was playing sounds which made me feel on edge. At one point it became unbearable, and i had to leave the room as paranoia kicked in and i was convinced 5/6 cats were in my room. Silly Winston just slept through it. I understand though, he is young and carefree.

I'm looking forward to my evening meal. I hope to feast on "tender duck" this evening as that is the most delicate pouch out of the selection. I will fill me up until around 10pm, but most importantly it will set me up for my long evening of chatting.

Winston needs educating and i decided there is no better place to start the with my Grandpa Malbo- born 2009, and my great friend Dr Squizzles. Winston must listen to my prophecies regarding my Scottish brother Squizzles, as some of his adventures are tremendous. My Grandpa- Malbo- i suspect is deceased, as he will be very old by now. Nevertheless, i have many stories to tell about his tales around the campfire, jolly singing, his whiskey and indeed his pipe.

I myself have decided i must somehow purchase a monocle. One of my colleagues on hairypussies.co.uk showed me this great invention. You see, i'm beginning to struggle to type on the Apple Ipod touch, and my typos are becoming ever more prominent. If i get the monocle, i will look something like my friend below (See Fig.1).

Oh and Winston (my ginger compatriot) says: "0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000"- obviously by accident, he is clumsy and he stood on my typing tool.


Fig.1.

My life behind the glass.

Dear avid readers,

This is my first post and i will attempt to make it short, yet sweet. I do not have all of the time in the world- as so many people think i do. Yes, i agree, i do enjoy sleeping and sitting, indeed i am even partial to a little staring, but  life is not all a ball.

Today my mum left me for a while. She always leaves at around the same time, sometimes i sit and stare waiting to see if something new will happen, something to break this godforsaken routine. Alas, it was around half past the hour she departed for work. Then i was alone.

For another hour or so, i was left to my own devices. This entailed with me sleeping in my "radiator bed" (as it is labelled) i prefer the term "sack of joy". However, i remembered that half-witted oaf was lying in his "radiator bed"- or simply "bed" as he calls it. I sat and stared for a while, i like to amuse him as i feel sorry for him. I also think he has a big head, but i know he makes an effort, so i reciprocate.

Whilst mummy was away i had a new experience. Music. Oh no, but this was not just any music, it was noises- rather experimental i would say also. It sounded like space sounds, and it sounded foreign there was nothing Scottish, or even British, about it.

However, it awoke my soul and i experienced a side what i had never felt before. It felt odd. Steffu (i think he is called that, mummy calls him that) was excited. He stared and laughed at me. I think he was laughing at my ears twitching or maybe even my tail. It seemed very affectionate though, and for a little while i felt rather special compared to ginger Winston.

Goodnight for now all- I am going to talk with Winston and then sleep.