As long as I can bleed, I'm pretty much okay

I am currently suffering in some sort of osmosis. I'd like to claim I am in a state of euphoria, but I do not know what this is. I am gratifying myself. I feel light in body and mind, but rather lethargic. My body is drunk, my eyes are heavy. I feel depressed yet at the same time uplifted. I am a new Cat.


"Neutering, from the Latin neuter (of neither sex^[1]), is the removal of an animal's reproductive organ, either all of it or a considerably large part" states the omnipresent and slightly dubious Wikipedia. My version of this orgasmic plethora of bollocks removal is much more brash and idealistic.


Neutering is bullshit. I was taken and caged like a wild rodent by my mummy. She (well actually Steffu) bagged me up- which means tricked me again- and I was carried approximately 4.2 miles. The journey to see Mr vet took around 10 minutes and when I got to this dormitory of abyss a feeling of confusion hit me.


I already knew this place. In the last four weeks i have visited this room three times. Normally I just get high in there, I get my fix before I am treated by mummy afterwards, but this time I was subjected to an atrocity exhibition. Steffu drilled me in the morning discussing with me calmly in my ear that my "gonads would be removed". I had no idea what a "gonad" was, but I soon found out at 11.46am.


The Vet, Witch-Doctor or God performed an act on me with took away my Cancer. I had problems with my testicles. They needed to be removed. Previously, I discussed with mummy that I never wished to have children and she acknowledged my command. We both agreed I would be "performed on" but I had no idea how beastly I would be treated.


I was literally cut open and part of my male body was removed. I have lost my two balls. Winston still has his and I am now afraid he will become "top dog" in my apartment. However, the joke is on him, he could possibly get herpes, chlamydia or the worst of all, have stupid ginger octuplets!


"Sexually dimorphic behaviors such as mounting, urine spraying and some forms of male aggression (relating to females in estrus) may be reduced due to the decrease in hormone levels brought about by neutering. This is an especially significant benefit in male cats due to the extreme undesirability of male cat sexual behavior for pet owners" again I quote the infamous Wikipedia.

To me, the above is an advantage. Steffu told me I am now much better off as now I will not have to deal with "jungle fever" and I can look at female cats (bitches) as normal cats now. My juice levels are much lower and I can deal with my aggression and urges much easier. Now I am an aged cat, just like Malbo. I have ended my clan's family line and I now feel the pain and burden of being the one with no reproductive organ as they cut it off.

I am now recovering. I think I should have maybe slept in that room for much longer. I was told that I urinated myself numerous times in my time of need. A little blood seeped from my bottom area, but it is the feeling of my mind attempting to escape my body that is the real pain.

I am now going to rest in the sack of joy, before I discuss my options of recovery. Obviously, the female side of my race is now out of bounds. I will not flirt or show off around women, as there can now be never any end product for me, which I think they would find a let down.

However, I will remain steadfast, popular and extremely dominant in my apartment. Roll on breakfast time, when I can break my fast and suckle again once more on my precious Felix pouches.