facts.co.ck

Dear minions,

Today i would like to share my information with you all. I apologise for my period of silence. It was not a protest, i only perform dirty protests in my free time, free time is hard to come by these days as i am old and my brain is full of activity.

The information i have gained is essential research and i hope you can incorporate this into your studies or even your dissertations or theses, but please, you must give me recognition as i will copyright this information. This information will be somewhat essential much like Julian Assange's farcical "Wikileak" files.

I) Latin did not exist. This language is a myth and it was never used at any point throughout history. Forget the Romans and so forth. In fact after a heavy session at the computer, the Romans spoke Yiddish and Latin was a language that supposedly gained popularity throughout Europe, even placing itself in Scotland. Forget it, it is incorrect history.

II) Countries all have the beginning prefix attached to them: "Aero. This is because only "Aeroplanes" can take people to different countries. An example of this would be "AeroFrance", "AeroFinland" or even "AeroYemen".

III) Scandinavia only consists of three countries. This is Norway, Sweden and Finland. People argue, but Denmark is actually a German state. Therefore, Denmark is actually part of Northern or Central Europe. This means anyone from Denmark should question their existence in the world, as they do not fully understand where they are from.

IV) Printers are really Gods. Many people would dispute this comment, but a printer is a central hub to anyone's life. It prints essential documents, and distributes knowledge worldwide. Simply put, they are "God"- they control what we read, they allow us to read and also simplify things for us on paper. Indeed, houses of worship will soon be built in their names and one day we may all repent. Facebook and Printers will make a pact in the near future for total dominance.

V) Lenin was Lucifer. To start with both of their names begin with "L"- obviously a connection. More importantly they both have odd beards, and they both attempt/attempted to control people. They both belong to the dark side- one in Hell and the other in Russia. Same place, different era. When Lenin died, he went back to Hell.

VI) English is really called "Scottish". This means people speak "Scottish- Scottish" and "American- Scottish". English was founded in Scotland by William Wallace, but as England is a bigger country they stole the language from us and took it down south. Indeed, the English have smaller brains- around 2.3 inches smaller than a Scottish brain, which means they find it easier to speak in this language then the original mother tongue which was Gaelic.

VII) The most attractive cats come from Malta. This is a fact, in the top three the Maltese cats are the most stunning. On average they have bigger tails, larger whiskers and are more fertile. Scottish cats come second in this hierarchy, and then third are Cats born in the Urals.

VIII) When humans get to the age of 25 years, 7 months and 63 days they can no longer procreate. I was saddened by this, but you cannot change fact or history. To me this seems absurd, and evidently the human population will die out one day. Hopefully my guardians will have children soon, so i will not be left alone when they are "gone".

IX) The "rioting" in Egypt was all a ploy. It was a military act in order for the army to gain dictatorial control over the country. The army in Egypt will exploit its people from now on, until they sell the rights of the country over to the USA as if it was Nestle or Kraft.

X) Soap operas are real life. There is no such thing as acting. When somebody is "filmed" it is by a matter of chance, this is why films always start late in the cinema as it is only a matter of chance that someone is caught on camera. Please don't confuse this statement as it is still a form of "Art", only it is real-life and all the emotions on Eastenders or Emmerdale are in fact true.

I have to run now, the fire alarm in my home just went off. I must go and hide.