Today I met with one of my true nemeses. In my bathroom, where I sometimes follow my guardians there are these two contraptions. They appear to release water if turned manually, using force, as I sometimes stare at Mummy when she "turns" it. I think this water-releaser -or "tap"- as it is called is a great invention. It provides life and cleanliness for the human species, and as i found out today, also for the Cat population.
Before i enter in to my "tail" (pardon the pun), I would just like to leave a note here for Mummy or Steffu, it is not private readers so do not worry. Mummy/Steffu will you buy some new fancy, water-releaser(s). I saw these online and i know they will fit nicely in to my bathroom, next to where i poo. (Fig. 1) By the way Mummy/Steffu, this contraption appears more complex than the Devil himself.
Fig. 1To continue with my tale, today I had poo on my leg and bottom. I heard whispers coming from my carers that a wash was at hand. I did not scarper as i believed that my two human friends would not have actually had the nerve to carry me to the bathroom. However, i was so wrong on this occasion.
I walked in to the bathroom and found myself in a fit of laughterous rapture. I saw ginger Winston being molested by my guardians and forced in to the bath. Of course, like usual, he smelt of faeces (that means "poo" avid readers) and in turn, we all decided he needed a washdown. Mummy deemed the pet "rubdowns" non influential on this occasion, so my nemeses water-givers became the necessity.
As stated, i sat and sniggered, watching, yet with a sense of waiting also. Winston cried and ran towards the door to exit my bathroom on two occasions, but my human serfs are cunning fellows- as they had shut the door! Again, I looked away in amazement due to the young man's naivity. But then after the crap was washed from his leg and buttocks, i found out i was next.
Ironically, I like the water. But I am not sure if Mummy understands, I only like to "paw" at the water streaming from the tap. The tap is so giving and generous, and on this occasion I found myself soaked through my coat on to my delicate skin. Boy, was I annoyed. The only pleasure that came from this (other than watching idiot Winston) was the fact my red bow got cleansed. But at the same time Mummy was proud of me, Steffu laughed and patted my soft head (he thinks i'm a dog sometimes) and i was told that my bum is nice and clean now. I felt loved.
After our wash I peered at Winston from my box in the corner. The youngster is relentless, much like my old compatriot Dr Squizzles. Both are slightly annoying, and both take up much of my time- in thought and physically. But after my period of philosophical thought - indeed I felt Herodotus's spirit within- my guardians set about pleasing me.
I posted in a previous entry this idea of "guilt". I realised that I can expolit this idiotic human trait to my advantage by acting "hurt" or "affectionate" and then I get what I want. I think I could probably get away with murder, at least in the eyes of Mummy- Steffu is not so forgiving at times, he can be a bit of a hard nut.
But as the guilt set upon them, I realised I could get anything. At one point Mummy was clipping my fur on my "polkuantura" (some foreign word) and sitting by my side was Steffu, who was grooming me with his purple brush. Oh, the delight was heavenly. I felt the warmth and love that i crave ever so often. I believed this moment could have been a little better though. It would have become even better if one of my guardians realised that there was Whiskas : Chicken and Cheese Temptations on the table. They were only about two feet away.
Nevertheless, I suppose I will allow them to be lazy once in a while.
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